Alan's Humorama.com - Alan's Hum-o-Rama.com Joke #1609 of 8246 Jokes, Funnies, and more jokes!

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Happy Something

Subject: Holiday party
FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room
at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free
to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed as Santa Claus!

=================

The Holiday Party

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees.We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday
which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not
this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday
Party".

==================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your
name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but I can't put a
sign on a table that reads,"AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous
anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?

==================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 9
begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating,
drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year
does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps
Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party...the days are so short this time of year...or else
package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that
work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters
Anonymous to sit furthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

==================

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me
to do, tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's
prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-
worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your
shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???

==================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO
dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does
happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our
own "little man in a red suit". It's a tradition, folks, like
sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving
turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?

==================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party Vegetarians!?!?!?

I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at
Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as
you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar,
including hydroponic tomatoes...but you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them...I've heard
them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now...!

==============

FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy
recovery
from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward
your cards to her at the sanatorium. In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel the Holiday party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Chanu-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas!

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