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9 votes up
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Laff Factor:
PG:6
A contest was held for people to submit their theories on ANY
subject. Below are the winners:

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory): If an infinite
number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks
fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number
of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's
great literary works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics): Why Yawning Is
Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.
This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other
people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic): Communist China is
technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and
therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at
a faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics): The earth may spin
faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure
skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our
planet to spin dangerously fast.

HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics): The quantity of
consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in
one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks his
cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh"
his car and invest in "erl" wells.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion): When a cat is
dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped,
it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap
giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred
tethered cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to
hover, spinning inches above the ground. Using the giant
buttered toast-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily
link London and Paris

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