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RULES WHEN VISITING OKLAHOMA

These will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym.
How'd you like to go home & tell your momma you got your ass
kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive,
you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have
a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of
the way!

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were 9 years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it!

4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our women
will get your ass kicked... by our women!

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us
if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for
those little 13-inch trout you fish for... bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are
making their final approach we will shoot . You might hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth
for what you paid in the airport.

9. The SOONERS & the Cowboys are as important here as the
Lakers & the Knicks... and a damn sight more fun to watch.

10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order
steak & order it rare; or, you can order the Chef's Salad and
pick off the 2 pounds of ham &turkey.

11. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with 2 packets
of sugar and a long spoon.

12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet,
and served over ice!

13. So you have a 60 thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use 2
weeks a year.

14. Let's get this straight, we have one stoplight in town. We
stop when it's red. Hell, we may even stop when it's yellow.

15. Our women hunt, fish, & drive trucks because they want to.
So, if you're a feminist... whopdee shit!

16. Yeah we eat catfish, carp, and even turtle. If you really
want sushi & caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs... and that's what pigs smell like. Get over
it. Don't like it? Interstate 40 goes two ways & I-35 goes the
other two. Pick one.

18. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of Deer season. It's a
religious holiday it opens the Saturday before Thanksgiving.
You can get breakfast at the church.

19. So every one in each pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Understand the concept?

20. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't land in the water
hazards, it spooks the fish.

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