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AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
"intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package.

Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

========================================================

With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, and shouting to the individual to come out and give
himself up officers discovered that the man was standing beside them.

========================================================

And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnaped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The
kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

=======================================================

And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension
under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey
Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump
higher." And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

========================================================

Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps. Fire
investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's
newly installed "Fire Prevention Alarm System". "This is even worse
than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new Security System."

=======================================================

And for the Main Course:
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46
teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.

========================================================

The Getaway:
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

========================================================

Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a
police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the "missing brain"

========================================================

Have I Got A Deal for You!
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly
enough to pay $10,000 apiece for the first tourist flight to Mars.
According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told
to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined
temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis
and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and
marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities
believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six
million dollars.

========================================================

Too Well-Educated:
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his
college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many
business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all
this may not have happened."

========================================================

Did I Say That?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

========================================================

Ouch, That Smarts!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The
robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he
was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said
police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his
pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.

========================================================

Are We Not Communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

========================================================

Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand
in his pocket. Hmmm. Wonder what he uses for a knife?

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