{alttagspam}
{alttagspam}
Proving there are more than 30 jokes on the internet...
 Filtering: All ratings , excluding Adult jokes     
 

Home
Daily Features
Merchandise!
Gags of the week!
Voted funniest
Voted lamest
Special Funnies
Submit a Joke
Entire Catalog
Other Funny Links
Email Jokemaster


My Favorites!
Bar & Drinking
Blonde
Blonde's Revenge
Computer
Cop/Police
Doctor &Medical
Engineer
Family & Kids
Geographic/Places
Holiday
Hunting/Farming
Irish
Jewish
Kid Safe!
Lawyer
Little Johhnny
Men & Marriage
Michael Jackson
Millitary
Miscellaneous
One-liners
Other Ethnic
Political
Quotes
Redneck
Religious
School/Teaching
Slogans/Stickers
Sports
Yo Mama
Funny T-Shirts
Awesome Pranks!

Get Firefox!



My logo was done by Vlad Kolarov. Please check with Vlad for your own one!

Keywords:
      Sequence:
Jokes-Per-Page:

Rate a Joke


6 votes up
<- Vote! ->
2 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:4
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-
flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more
entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways
to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this
airplane..."

2. Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so
I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move
about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it
affects the flight pattern."

3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.
We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed
taking you for a ride.

4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
fella. WHOA!"

5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight
announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead
compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell
everything has shifted."

6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert
the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate
one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love
more.

7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more
than Southwest Airlines."

8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our
compliments."

9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or
spouses."

10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final
approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an
extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and
announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please
remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal."

14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
policy which required the first officer to stand at the door
while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for
flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing,
he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally,
everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old
lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in
your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the
tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll
open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to
the terminal.

16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in
a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US
Airways."

Report this joke as: Duplicate   Wrong Rating   Wrong Category  
funny jokes blond jokes adult jokes irish jokes gay jokes johnny jokes
     
funny jokes blond jokes irish jokes adult jokes
Google
Web humoama.com



Lost? Yeah, me too. So I have a Site Index.

It's all made up, but I have a privacy policy here just like real sites do!

Alan "the Jokemaster" has nothing worth suing over and running this site is bankrupting me, but you're still welcome to read the terms of use for the humorama.com.




















funny blond jokes, funny lawyer jokes, funny adult jokes