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For those of you who either play an instrument in an ensemble,
band, etc., or have a loved one who does, the following should
come in handy!

Golden Rules For Ensemble Playing

1. Everyone should play the same piece.

2. Stop at every repeat sign, and discuss in detail whether to
take the repeat. The audience will love this a lot!

3. If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of your
partners.

4. Keep your fingering chart handy. You can always catch up
with the others.

5. Carefully tune your instrument before playing. That way
you can play out of tune all night with a clear conscience.

6. Take your time turning pages.

7. The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note (and vice
versa).

8. If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who get lost.

9. Strive to get the maximum NPS (notes per second). That
way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.

10. Markings for slurs, dynamics and ornaments should not
be observed. They are only there to embellish the score.

11. If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it's easy, speed it
up. Everything will work itself out in the end.

12. If you are completely lost, stop everyone and say,
"I think we should tune."

13. Happy are those who have not perfect pitch, for the
kingdom of music is theirs.

14. If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in
detail why you got lost. Everyone will be very interested.

15. A true interpretation is realized when there remains not
one note of the original.

16. When everyone else has finished playing, you should
not play any notes you have left. If you have notes left
over, please play them on the way home.

17. A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong
note played with authority is an interpretation.

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