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Men's Guide to Common Female Phrases
(What You Hear... = And What She Really Means!)

We need... = I want...

It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now!

Do what you want to... = You'll pay for this later!

We need to talk. = I need to complain!

Sure, go ahead. = I don't want you to!

I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're -- so manly! = You need a shave and you smell like an old gym sock!

You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I am on my period.

This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.

I want new curtains. = I want new curtains, and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper, and....

I need wedding shoes. = The other 40 pairs I have are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry! = You'll be sorry!

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important!

All we're going to buy is a soap dish. = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?


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