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** this is an expanded version of an earlier published joke **

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you or keep you
informed. The boss cannot plan and wants it now! We will give you more work than anyone can handle.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll be able to dress well. A couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"RAPID ADVANCEMENT": Anyone in their right mind will quit, leaving openings that you may move into. Brown-nosing is greatly appreciated by management.

"COMPANY CAFETERIA": There is a water fountain. If you've got $0.50, you can buy a cup of cold coffee from the pot in the break room. Stale sandwiches and rotten fruit are available from vending machines.

"MANY COMPANY BENEFITS": Parking is available on nearby streets. Several windows can be opened in summer for ventilation. There is a room freshener in the unisex bathroom.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some time each night and some time each weekend. Don't expect to get paid for it either!

"CASUAL OVERTIME REQUIRED": You can take your tie off while working long hours (after the boss has gone home). Don't expect to get paid for that either!

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can -- and will -- boss you around. You will be required to do whatever no one else would consider doing themselves. Make the coffee.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED": You don't want a life. Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). We own your soul!

"SELF STARTER": Your boss has no idea how to do what you're doing. Your boss is the retarded, illegitimate son of the company's president.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our request for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people that just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": We've got lots of them. You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay, authority, or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. The ability to read your boss' mind is a requirement. Most executives mumble, stutter, or have lisps.

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