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Reported to be actual Answers to Sixth Grade History tests:

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the
Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book
of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple
tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

3 Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He
died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man
of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8.In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled and threw
the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls
people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to
be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by
playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard
Shaw.

3. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice
for the same offense.

14. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The great writer
of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and
also wrote literature.

15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an
apple while standing on his son's head.

16. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
shouted "hurrah."

17. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
figure becausehe invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir
Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

18. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last
wish was to be laid by Juliet.

19. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
Milton He wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
Paradise Regained.

20. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was
a great navigator who discovered America while cursing were called
the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

21. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
settlers. Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith
was responsible for all this.

22. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels
through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War
and no longer had to pay for taxis.

23. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is
still dead.

24. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to
secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people
enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

25. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by sign-
ing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the
actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John
Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's
career.

26. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in
the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

27. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was
Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He
was very large.

28. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later
died for this.

29. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
empier but as Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
children.

30. The sun never set on the British Empire because the Empire is
in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the
longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral
woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which
ended her reign.

31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started repro-
ducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network
of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick
raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur
discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who
wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And
Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

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