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News Update

The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in
newspapers:


1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN
1998 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

FREE PUPPIES: ½ COCKER SPANIEL -1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE
SMELL.

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED. CALL CHUBBIE

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER
BE REWARD.

HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 ½ BOTTLES OF BEER.

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES- CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED

FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT
SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON
HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE
CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY
ARE DEAD.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOXSPRINGS-$175.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

BAR S SLICED BALOGNA REGULAR OR TASTY SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2

OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON- FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

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