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Things A Jewish Mother Would Never Say:

"Just go live with him. You don't have to marry him. I don't need any grandchildren."

"Be good ..... and for your birthday, I'll buy you a motorcycle!"

"How on earth can you see the TV, sitting so far away from it?"

"Don't bother wearing a jacket.... it's quite warm outside."

"Let me smell that shirt..... Yeah, it's good for another week."

"I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity."

"Yeah, I used to skip school, too."

"Just leave all the lights on..... it makes the house more cheery."

"Could you turn the music up louder, so I can enjoy it, too?"

"Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!!"

"Aw, just turn these undies inside out........no one will ever know."

"I don't have a tissue with me.....just use your sleeve."

"Well, if Timmy's Mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me."

"Of course, you should walk to school and back. What's the big deal about having to cross a few main streets?"

"My meeting won't be over till later tonight. You kids don't mind skipping dinner, do you?"

"I saw your subscription to Playboy was expiring, so I sent in a check to renew it."

"If she wants you both to move back east so you can live near her family, that's fine with me."

"Mother's day, Shmother's Day!! You just go to the beach and enjoy yourselves."

"You don't have to call me every week....I know how busy you are."

"Your father is a saint....you should only be just like him."

"You are so lucky to have your in-laws."

"Your wife knows best.....forget about the advice I gave you."

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