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PG:-10
It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian
competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a
slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but
without any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9:
United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0

Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and
stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He
gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good
as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple
spin and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically,
it is a more satisfying performance.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5:
United States 5.9: Ireland 6.0

Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old
donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his willies. He
reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which
starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then
slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then
falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and
bleeding mess.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0:
United States 0.0: Ireland 6.0

The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in
unison, "How the heck can you give that mess 6.0?!"

To which the Irish judge replies "You've got to remember, it's
darn slippery out there.

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