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Face it, you're gonna have to go outside eventually. Sure,
Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco
Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you're
going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go . . .
OUTSIDE. Here's a guide:

1. Wear Pants - Countless attempts to better oneself have
been cut tragically short by leaving the house without proper
attire.

2. Use Your Real Name - Sorry, but nobody will be impressed
if you go by the name "2HOT4U", "Monarch" or "SATAN666."
Names like "Steve" or "Greg" are just fine.

3. The Telephone is Your Friend - Hear that ringing sound?
Pick up the phone. Now speak into it.

4. If Your Car Crashes, You Cannot Simply Reboot It.

5. Do Not Be Surprised That Nobody Looks Like Gillian
Anderson.

6. Do Not Flame People - Comparing everyone you disagree
with to unclean primates will not win you friends. In fact, you
may get into a physical fight. If so, the next tip may be of
help.

7. That Red Stuff is Called Blood - Not to be confused with
ketchup, blood is what keeps you alive. If you are leaking, the
real world offers human tech support in the form of doctors and
hospitals.

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