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In my recent days working in a non-disclosed retail store, I have
learned that customers suck. This is a list of stupid questions with
their corresponding answers to tell ANYONE who thinks like this to
stop shopping PERIOD! If you have ever asked an employee any of these
questions, hang your head in shame...
===================================================================

Customer: "Excuse me, do you know where the taby, thingamabobers are?"
Employee: "Yea, by the whatchamacallits on aisle 6."

Customer: "Do you carry Ink Eraticators? All of the other places do."
Employee: "I think so. I saw em by the Ink Accelerators on aisle 4."

Customer: "Wheres the thin plastic strips with sticky stuff on the back that you stick things to other things with?"
Employee: "Hmm... that's a tough one... The closest we have is tape."

Customer: "Can you help me find something?"
Employee: "Nope! I'm going to stand here and laugh at you a bit more..."

Customer: "Excuse me. Do you work here?"
Employee: "Oh... Sorry. I just dress up like this five days a week because I like messing with people's minds..."

Customer: "Excuse me. Do you look like you work here?"
Employee: "(no comment)"
>thanks Matt!<

Customer: "Where are the little flat black things you put in computers?"
Employee: "Hmm. I think they are in the computer section next to the disks."

Customer: "I'm having trouble with my computers coffee holder. Do you carry replacements?"
Employee: (commits hari-kari on the spot)

Customer: "This item doesn't have a price on it. Does that mean it's free?"
Employee: "Yes. Thats one of the items we paid with "free money" with."

Customer: "Excuse me. Is there a manager in this store?"
Employee: "Nope. Sorry, we only have someone with a "Manager" name tag on to throw people off."

Customer: "Can I open this?"
Employee: "Sure. I'm sure it's different on the inside of the clear
wrapping."

Customer: "Do you have a shopping cart?"
Employee: "I think so. Let me look in my pocket. Oh! We moved em out to the parking lot!"

Customer: (referring to a cashier)"Are you open?"
Employee: "No, sorry. I'm just standing here because people are giving me money. Why stop a bad thing. OH! maybe I will turn this light off with the big number on it next to this cash register..."

Customer: "Does this printer print in black?"
Employee: "Yea, but you have to buy the white extra."

Customer: "I am looking for something to plug into the back of my computer that lets me use my fax, scanner, printer, copier, and 4-in-1 multi-function machine at the same time."
Employee: "Yea! We have lots of those! right through that big glass door by the entrance. Don't be confused by that 'Exit' sign."

Customer: "Excuse me. Do you sell these shelves?"
Employee: "Only with all the items on it. Do you want these price tags too? They're extra though."

Customer: "Is this new computer Y2K compliant?"
Employee: "No, sorry. We just received our new 1900 models. We can put your name on the list so we can sell you the new 2K models 100 years from now..."

Customer: "Do you have a bathroom here?"
Employee: "No, sorry. We all piss in our pants when we need to go."

Customer: "Can you give me a discount on this?"
Employee: "Yea, that's why we have those little stickers with prices
on em on everything."

Customer: "My computer isn't working. Do you know why?"
Employee: "Oh, sorry. I don't have ESP. Let me transfer you to our ESP Technician department."

Customer: "Do you carry pencils?"
Employee: "No, I'm sorry. This is an office supply store only. We don't carry pencils; or pens for that matter."

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