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Why Americans should never be allowed to travel. The following
are actual stories provided by travel agents:

* I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair
wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

*A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After
going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to
fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

* I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I
started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make
you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without
trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly
explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."
Her response ... click.

* A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked
what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was
expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not
possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He
replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a
very thin state."

* I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see
England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so
close on the map."

* Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.
When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay
over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he
said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to
drive between the gates to save time."

* A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was
possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got
into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an
hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept
of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and
she bought that!

* A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to
who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I
checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that
said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After
putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was
actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for
Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a
destination tag on her luggage.

* I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know
which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which
he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of
these darn planes have numbers on them."

* "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one
of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to
Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

* A businessman called and had a question about the documents he
needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion
about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I
don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one
of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a
visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China
four times and every time they have accepted my American
Express."

* A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from
Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for
words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the
town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.
After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry,
ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and
can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh
don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The
agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally
offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it
was a big animal!"

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