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Proving there are more than 30 jokes on the internet...	Filtering: All ratings , excluding Adult jokes

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33 jokes in the category Engineer

	11 votes up	<- Vote! ->	4 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:7

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama Bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."

"Uncle Sam" says, "Fill it with water."

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	13 votes up	<- Vote! ->	6 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:7

A mechanic, an electrician, a chemist, and a computer guy were driving on the highway when their car broke down.

The mechanic said, "I think a rod broke."

The chemist said, "There's no combustion so it's not getting enough gas."

The electrician said, "I think something's wrong with the electrical system."

The computer guy said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in."

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	24 votes up	<- Vote! ->	9 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:15

Management & Hot Air

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced
altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and
shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I
would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and
41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"Yes, I am" replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "Everything you told me is
technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've
not been much help so far."

The man below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where
you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large
quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea
how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your
problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you
were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

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	151 votes up	<- Vote! ->	55 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:96

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
years, he happily retired. Several years later the company
contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were
having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine
to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a
small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and
stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for
his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:
- One chalk mark $1
- Knowing where to put it $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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	58 votes up	<- Vote! ->	43 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:15

Comprehending Engineers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a
word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight.

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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