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131 jokes in the category Lawyer


68 votes up
<- Vote! ->
19 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:49
On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates & waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer ... for couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"It took me three months to find priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

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1 votes up
<- Vote! ->
1 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:0
What does a lawyer do after sex?

Pays the bill.

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1 votes up
<- Vote! ->
4 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-3
Lawyers' Lucky Break

What is the definition "lucky break"?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
There was an empty seat.

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4 votes up
<- Vote! ->
246 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-242
Just as a young man was about to get a chest X-Ray, the
equipment slipped and his pelvic region was X-Ray'd instead.

"Oh, no! cried the lab technician." Your reproductive organs
just received a dose of radiation!"

"What does that mean?" asked the worried young man.

"It's serious," replied the technician. "All your children will
be lawyers!"

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8 votes up
<- Vote! ->
45 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-37
This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade and probably
the century.

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other
things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of
these great cigars and without yet having made even his first
premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim
against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a
series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay,
citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars
in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance
company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated
nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in
which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also
guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without
defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was
obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and
costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the
ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for this loss of
the rare cigars lost in the "fires.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim
and testimony from the previous case being used against him,
the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured
property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a
$24,000.00 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent
Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA

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