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143 jokes in the category Jokemaster Favorites


14 votes up
<- Vote! ->
51 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-37
A Marine gets out of the Corps after Nam and lives his life like the American dream. When the War on Iraq comes around 40 plus years later, he goes down to the local recruiting station and tells the recruiter "I want in, I want to fight!"

But the recruiter says, "Sorry Buddy, you're too old."

"Fine," the guy says. "I'll go to the Pentagon. I have a friend there.

He'll let me in!" So he goes to the Pentagon and tells his friend,"I wanna fight!"

But his friend says "Sorry Buddy, you're too old."

"Fine", the guy says. "I'll buy a boat and row to Iraq!"

So he goes out and buys himself a rowboat and starts rowing to Iraq, chanting "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" over and over again!

St. Peter sees all this and goes to God and says, "Lord, what do I do to stop this guy?" God tells St. Peter, "Why don't you take his brain?

It's the root of all thought."

So St. Peter takes the guy's brain. It doesn't faze him, "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" St. Peter then says, "Now what?!"

God replies, "Why don't you take his heart? It's the seat of all emotion." So St Peter takes it. Doesn't faze the guy. "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!"

St. Peter says, "Now what should I do?" God smiles and says, "Take his manhood."

So St. Peter takes the guy's manhood. The guy stops rowing, looks confused, turns his boat around, and begins chanting, "Off we go, into the wild blue yonder..."

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4 votes up
<- Vote! ->
40 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-36
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?

A: Far-from-thinkin

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113 votes up
<- Vote! ->
63 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:50
Once there was a bus with 37 people and everyone on there was ugly. The bus crashed and everyone died and went to Heaven. Saint Peter gave them all one wish before entering. The first guy said, "Make me beautiful." Everyone followed suit. When there was about 10 people left Saint Peter saw that the man in the back was laughing. He kept on granting the people's wishes to be beautiful. By the time Saint Peter got to the last guy he was rolling all over the ground laughing really hard. Saint Peter said, "What is your wish?" and he said, "Make them all ugly again."

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932 votes up
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587 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:345
A U.S. Admiral was attending a Naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans worked it out several years ago so you wouldn't have to speak German."

Suddenly the group became very quiet.

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40 votes up
<- Vote! ->
49 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-9
A blonde gets pulled over by the police for speeding. "Ma'am you were going 75 miles an hour and the speed limit is 65." says the police officer.

"Oh I am sorry. I thought I was going a little over 60." says the blonde. "You were not! You were going 100 at least." says her husband.

"I have to give you a ticket bacause your tailight is broken." says the officer. "Oh I had never noticed that." says the blonde. "You've known about that for at laest 2 weeks." says the blonde's husband.

"I also have to give you a ticket because you are not wearing your seatbelt." says the officer. " Oh I thought I was." says the blonde. " You never wear your seatbelt." says the blonde's husband.

" SHUTTTTTUPPPPPP!!!!!!!" yelled the blonde to her husband.

" Sir. Does she always talk to you like this?" asks the officer.

" No. Only when she is drunk." says the husband

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