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39 jokes in the category Military


15 votes up
<- Vote! ->
56 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-41
A Marine gets out of the Corps after Nam and lives his life like the American dream. When the War on Iraq comes around 40 plus years later, he goes down to the local recruiting station and tells the recruiter "I want in, I want to fight!"

But the recruiter says, "Sorry Buddy, you're too old."

"Fine," the guy says. "I'll go to the Pentagon. I have a friend there.

He'll let me in!" So he goes to the Pentagon and tells his friend,"I wanna fight!"

But his friend says "Sorry Buddy, you're too old."

"Fine", the guy says. "I'll buy a boat and row to Iraq!"

So he goes out and buys himself a rowboat and starts rowing to Iraq, chanting "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" over and over again!

St. Peter sees all this and goes to God and says, "Lord, what do I do to stop this guy?" God tells St. Peter, "Why don't you take his brain?

It's the root of all thought."

So St. Peter takes the guy's brain. It doesn't faze him, "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" St. Peter then says, "Now what?!"

God replies, "Why don't you take his heart? It's the seat of all emotion." So St Peter takes it. Doesn't faze the guy. "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!"

St. Peter says, "Now what should I do?" God smiles and says, "Take his manhood."

So St. Peter takes the guy's manhood. The guy stops rowing, looks confused, turns his boat around, and begins chanting, "Off we go, into the wild blue yonder..."

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934 votes up
<- Vote! ->
595 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:339
A U.S. Admiral was attending a Naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans worked it out several years ago so you wouldn't have to speak German."

Suddenly the group became very quiet.

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14 votes up
<- Vote! ->
13 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:1
Q. Why did mostly black people die in the Vietnam War?

A. Because the general said, "Get down!" and all the black people got up and started dancing.

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28 votes up
<- Vote! ->
36 votes down
Laff Factor:
PG:-8
there were four soldiers there were getting on there bus to go home for the first time in 7 months.

1st soldier walked on the bus wiggling his arm...

bus driver-what happened to u?

1st soldier-i got shot in the arm and it hit a nerve.

2nd soldiere got on the bus wiggling his arm..

bus driver-what happenbed to u?

2nd soldier-i got hit in the arm and it hit a nerve.

the 3rd soldier gets on wiggling his arm

bus driver- what happened to u i got hit in the arm and it hit a nerve.

the 4th and final soldiere gets on wiggling his hand.

bus driver-let me guess u got hit in the hand and it hit a nerve?

4th soldier-nope i got a booger on my finger and it wont come off.

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0 votes up
<- Vote! ->
1 votes down
Laff Factor:
R:-1
Rejected US Army Slogans

“Risk Your Life for Freedoms No One Appreciates!"
"Shower With Men"
"Knock Up Foreign Broads"
"All The Grits You Can Eat"
"Be A Flame Thrower, Not A Flame Broiler"
"Cubicles Are For Wusses"
"Napalm Means Serious BBQ"
"Over 1,000,000 Sheared, Beaten, And
Worked Into A Sub-Human Fury!"
"Totally Beefcake and Proud of It"
"Beat Up Sailors"
"We Won't Screw Your Mind Up As
Bad As The Marines Will"
"Kicking Nazi Tail Since 1942"
"Don''t Ask, Don''t Tell, Don''t Accessorize"
"Play Doom… For Real!"
"Sure Beats Lurnin!"

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