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HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AT THE OFFICE

1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.

3. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing.
For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.

6. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

7. Insist that your e-mail address be zena_goddess_of_fire@asab.fdl.cc.mn.us

8. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

9. Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.

10. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

11. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

12. Determine how many cups of coffee are too many.

13. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

14. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in
the break room. When people complain that there was nothing there,
lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."

15. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

16. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.

17. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield
wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.

18. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

19. Practice making fax and modem noises.

20. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.

21. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

22. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights
up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

23. Dont use any punctuation

24. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

25. Ask people what sex they are.

26. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

27. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at
passing cars to see if they slow down.

28. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

29. Honk and wave at strangers.

30. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

31. type only in lowercase.

32. "What?" "Never mind. It's gone now."

33. And finally (just to annoy people): Send this e-mail to everyone in
your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you
not to send them stuff like this.


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