Alan's Humorama.com - Alan's Hum-o-Rama.com Joke #1695 of 8246 Jokes, Funnies, and more jokes!

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While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto
a weight machine that told your fortune and weight for a
quarter. She put a quarter in, and out came a card that read,
"Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs., and you play the fiddle."
She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play the
fiddle, But it did have her age correct. About that time, an
old gentleman walked up carrying a violin. She asked him if
she could see it. He agreed, and to their amazement, she
started playing the instrument with what seemed a natural
talent. She wondered if the fortune machine had actually
known something about her that she didn't.

She thought about it, and decided to try the weight machine
again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out
comes the card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135
lbs., and you have gastritis." She found this one to be
absurd, as she was in perfect health, so she goes back to
the bus-stop to wait for her bus. While sitting there, she
develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until all
of a sudden, to her embarrassment, she expels a great deal
of noisy wind. She wondered about the fortune, and again
was curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff
about her that she didn't know.

She puts another quarter in the machine, and out comes a
card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you
are about to have sex." She laughed out loud, as she had
been trying to find a decent guy for a long time and had been
sexless for almost a year. She is sitting there waiting for the
bus, when this attractive young man sits down and
immediately their eyes locked, and she almost melted. The
chemistry was incredible. They both knew that they were
right for each other and that they were soul mates. They
held hands, then quickly ducked into the alley and began to
kiss. Before they knew it they were making mad love.

The woman was so amazed at the ability of the machine,
that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the
machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card that
read: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., You've Fiddled,
You've Farted, You've Screwed around, and now you've
missed your bus!"

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